Aylinn

assorted updates - fair warning long post w/medical content

2013-02-26T05:19:40Z

Maternal status update:

My mom is still in the hospital. She had a full hysterectomy plus bits & pieces of assorted nearby things resection & pulled out. They also cleared out her belly fat. We're still waiting on details as to where the cancer started & what type of cancer it was. Fortunately, it does not seem to have gotten into any other major organs. She had a reaction to the morphine when they tried to put her on food by mouth last week. That got a bit hairy & required some re-intubation. This has passed.

So she's off the ventilator, off the naso-gastric tubes and the catheter & mobile. She still has an IV for hydration/feeding but she is up & mobile & can get to the bathroom & pee. She had a cystogram on her remodeled bladder & that's passed so far. No leaks & working properly. She's still dealing with ostomy bags for her bowels as that's phase two (three?) of the repair procedures. Chemo has been mentioned but details haven't been determined as yet. She's still weak but getting stronger every day. She's able to at least take tea & broth now by mouth which is a major improvement. She's walking and doing PT and her voice is improving. So we're up to the exhausted healing stage. Her humor is still there - we've exchanged several dark humor jokes.

She doesn't really have room for cards or gifts and she doesn't stay on the phone for very long. We've managed about 15 minutes tops - so I don't think visitors are a very good idea just yet. But I've told her people are looking out for her and she appreciates all the good thoughts, prayers, good vibes, & best wishes.

I'm basically doing a "hear me baby, hold together." I mostly call her a lot & pray that my father survives his own cooking/food foraging efforts. (HIS stomach is notoriously sensitive to food additives & if it isn't his stomach going off, it's a migraine hitting him over the head. She's in one of the better areas for cancer treatment and my folks have decent health insurance on top of the medicare/medicaid thanks to my dad's teacher's pension. As long as the doctors aren't idiots and my folks aren't idiots, there isn't much I can/need do. on top of that, since my folks are pretty independent cusses (and That's a deliberate word choice) there isn't much they WANT me to do either. I've made the offer to go visit, but it looks like they don't want me up there until my mom comes home from the hospital. When that will be is still being debated by her & her doctors. My father wants me there for her the first day she gets back - rather like when she came home with the busted ankle. I can deal with that.

Work has been interesting but fortunately understanding. Kory has been fantastic. All my friends have been fantastic - I really appreciate the hugs, etc - they've been wonderful distractions from the frustration. Thank you everyone. I know I've been very variable as to response time & I do apologize for that. I also apologize for missing several folks' birthdays recently - I've been trying to avoid facebook games lest I get tempted to spend money on them. *wry grin*

and my father keeps running into a ton of his ex-students at the hospital. I think he's averaging 1-2 students a week if not daily. Perils of being in a nassau county hospital!

Basically, my mom is still playing things pretty day by day and, as a result, so am I & so is my dad. But at least we all have relatively solid ground under us & support networks of all sorts helping us hold together. and again - I thank you all for that & for everything you've done, thought of doing, offered to do, and might do for us. It really helps.

Toddling off to bed now...

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Update

2013-02-12T12:47:02Z

Short form: my mom made it through the surgery, she's in ICU, the mass was not benign, we're playing it day by day, and both my dad & I are hanging in there. Kory is being wonderful to/for me. Yesterday really sucked. And not just for us - There were several deaths in the various families around me this past weekend. Including https://www.facebook.com/TheRevDrStJohn?fref=ts Mandrake Avahgdu St John aka Robert aka Bahboo.

( Long form under the cut )

If you didn't get impacted yesterday by all the Karmic/Cosmic fireworks the Deities were throwing out & can spare a few hugs & good vibes - please keep everyone (not just me & mine) in your thoughts. If you want to do something concrete, the only thing I can think of would be to donate blood. I have a feeling my mom had to dip into an already tight supply. Direct any e-mail or communications or inquiries my way - my father just doesn't have the bandwidth right now.

And - Thank you all for all the Good vibes that were sent yesterday. I really do believe they helped.

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Good Vibes request

2013-02-11T12:48:54Z

I've been a bit on edge lately. and it's pretty bad today.
If everything went okay with them traveling on the roads in the inclement weather, and then with her check-in, my mom just went under the knife at 7:30 for major abdominal surgery. She's expected to be in surgery for at least 3 hours.

Short form - they found a mass in her abdomen about the size of two grapefruits between her bladder & uterus. The surgeon doesn't think it's cancerous but isn't taking any chances & is removing various no-longer needed parts that might be the source. She's been fast tracked to get this dealt with as quickly as possible.

My Mom, Mimi Horne, didn't want a fuss made. So that's why I haven't posted about this before. I know she's in North Shore Hospital in Manhasset, NY and is expected to be there a minimum of 3 possibly 5 days after the surgery. I was specifically told NOT to come up.

Due to my father's general phone dislike, I probably won't know anything till around noon or so.

But I would politely request some healing & strength vibes sent her way if possible?

Thank you

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Internet Magic

2013-01-25T11:59:22Z

As I said a while back, I've found Pinterest. (I'm at http://pinterest.com/allisonkaese/ if you are interested)
Now between that, Google, & Wikipedia, I've discovered some really good jumping off spots for inspiration.
Type a search term into Pinterest, find images related to it, & then go further through Google & Wikipedia.

So I'm trying to work up a description for a place on Alquennas. I did a search for "natural waterfalls trees"
because I'm trying to accurately describe/depict/define a mystic temple grove near a waterfall.

That lead to pins which led to these two Earth Science Pictures of the day:
http://epod.usra.edu/blog/2009/10/lost-waterfall.html
http://epod.usra.edu/blog/2010/12/eternal-flame-waterfall.html

Now I've been around for a while on this earth and while I've rambled through a few woods in my day and I've even rambled through woods near these two locations - I would never have known about these sites without today's informational resources. The really amazing thing is how geologically temporary both locations are. All it would take to blow both sites out of existence is some erosion or Fault line shifting. Or construction on the part of humans.

Fortunately both spots are park protected:
http://www.nyfalls.com/eternalflame.html
http://www.fs.usda.gov/main/mnf/home

I've never seen two more potentially "magical" places. Especially that "Eternal Flame" location. That site to me seems to be pretty much the definition of air, earth, fire, & water. They've now been added to my bucket list. Those places & places like them are true sources of wonder. And very worthy of the old '70s dictum - "Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints."

Once again I'm reminded how wonderfully this song describes my religious viewpoint:
http://www.echoschildren.org/CDlyrics/WORDGOD.HTML

Talk about God writing the rocks...

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aylinn @ 2012-05-30T12:16:00

2012-05-30T17:10:27Z

Va. Aquarium adopts baby otter, asks for name ideas http://www.wtop.com/41/2883359/Va-Aquarium-adopts-baby-otter-asks-for-name-ideas via wtop
re the above - Okay. Oscar, George, & Banks seem to be in the running. So does Parker for a sick child.

I know what I'd like to name him (DEAL) but I'm not sure I could get enough votes.

I'm even willing to share & make it Deal Parker so both Deal & the kid are remembered. Anyone want to help stuff a comment blog?

And Yes, this would be in memory of the late Deal Whitley.

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Happy Ostara

2012-03-21T01:10:32Z

One other thing - we did manage to get into DC this weekend & see the cherry blossoms.

So I'm at least managing to keep up THAT spring tradition.

and this weekend, we get to see the Mythbusters tour.

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Happy Ostara

2012-03-21T01:05:15Z

It's the Vernal Equinox and I'm still standing.

I wish there were more I could say but I'm still trying to keep my head above the water in the swamp that is work.

Baby O & Baby T have each turned one.

I finally succumbed to the Lure of the Apple. and I now have an iPhone.

so now I'm geeking on apps and kindle books and STILL geeking on music.

speaking of which, it's tuesday - back to the vampirage...

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toxoplasmosis, trends, & tribulations... - omg, it's an actual update!

2012-02-12T18:46:58Z

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/03/how-your-cat-is-making-you-crazy/8873/1/
(neat link on toxoplasmosis that I found while reading LJ)

haven't posted much lately. mostly because I've been running from work to home to work to home.
as of 2/1 though I'm being forcibly required to stick to as close to 40 hours a week as I can.
Unfortunately, I did not get a raise either for going to the new contract or for January cost of living.

so what with increased commuting costs, things have been a bit more broke out. trying to keep things together and keep on keeping on though.

work is work only worse. the stress level has gone through the roof. I don't mind pitching in. I don't mind handling extra stuff. I just hate doing it without any solid ground under my feet. it is what it always is - an equation with three variables - time, techs, & tickets. I don't control tickets. and I have even less control of the other two variables than I used to have. So when I'm paddling as fast as I can, and barely making progress, please don't take my oars away. whoops, there they went... Yeah.

add to that the weird weather winter we've had and the resultant waves of plague...Including the hell the constantly changing temps have put my lungs through...Let's just say I'm glad I have the option of telecommuting open to me. my techs don't & several of them have suffered because of it.

There have been some high spots - the holiday season had some fun - my birthday party was a blast & I've recovered a lot of the damage to the music collection as a result - Darkover, New years at the Huminski house, some lovely much needed quiet & quality time with my husband, Brunswick games day, and other things.

we're going to see the Mythbusters on tour in March - that was my present to us for several reasons.

it's now been 7 years since the accident of doom. and yes, both TTH and I still get jittery around the end of January. It doesn't help that that's also NASA's "personal" gloom season.

So basically, I'm surviving. I haven't been doing much extra stuff, because I've been trying to not trigger spending binges I can't afford or things like that. Facebook has somewhat become my retreat of choice because of all of the "shiny" to distract me. but because I want to spend SOME time with my husband, I've sort of faded off the electronic communications radar. I'm also sort of avoiding it because I have been so stressed at work that the bipolar want to be distracted is rearing its head. too much ferret shiny and I don't pay attention to the job. and I have to pay attention to the job. I'm very burned out. and it's not showing any signs of giving me a chance to heal/repair/renew.

yeah, as you can tell, the mood swings have been hellacious. you can also tell how manic I've had to push myself just to keep up from the way this post has skipped around. which I also have to watch for budgetary reasons.

the mental governors are smoking so bad, they've hit bare metal in some spots. But one thing I want to do is give serious props to my husband. as always, he is and has been fantastic. Despite my odd twitches of incandescent frustration, I have tried to not take things out on him. and he's always wandering by & hugging me or doing other things to take care of me.

and no, I'm not cloning him. he's mine, mine, all mine. and I'm keeping him.

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this year sucks.

2011-11-15T04:13:24Z

I hate funerals.

I especially hate them when they are kids.

http://www.therulandfuneralhome.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=1312279&fh_id=13169

Jennifer Ann Lozowski
(November 7, 1989 - November 11, 2011)

Yes, folks, that's Steve & Eileen Lozowski's daughter Jenny. No, they don't yet know how she died.

I remember her being born. I remember her birthday party where her folks got a FOAF to play Ariel because Jenny loved the Little Mermaid so much. I remember how her parents were so proud of her over the years.

And this is the second time this year I can't be there to hold a friend who needs it. DAMNIT!!!

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latest update - long post warning.

2011-10-29T16:35:08Z

Well, this has been a roller-coaster couple of weeks.

1) I got told they weren't taking me over to the new contract.
2) I reached out to my friends & not only had nibbles (Thank you all!) I had a phone inquiry that same day. That went to an interview 5 days later.
3) Over the intervening weekend, I had just enough time to get a decent interview suit.
4) While shopping for said suit with Heather & Baby O. at Potomac Mills, I lost my keychain.
5) Fortunately Heather is the one friend of ours that not only has a spare HOUSE key, we also gave her a spare key to our van! Back I dashed to PM & dutifully got dupes made of the dupes, returned the original dupes to Heather & drove home.
6)began working the 6-6 12 hour telecommuting stretch to end of contract.(understanding boss had approved it.)
7) had the interview. Didn't get/don't think I'll get the position. I was a bit nervous and thus a bit manic. This is not good for promoting a "traditional" image. Professional yes - I nailed that. (especially thanks to Heather's fashion sense & Kory's paper trail.) I'm just not very good at following social protocols PRECISELY when I'm that keyed up.
8) I received the machine I'd bought from LM's sell off. We also found the win 64 license and got it all configured for the person I'm giving it to.
9) had small game day for MSD.
10) I started backing up my music drive to the above mentioned machine.
11) I knocked over the music drive while it was backing up. As a result, it won't boot. 500 gigs of music is now incommunicado. ARGH!!!
12) got mortgage paid & start racking up enough OT to possibly pay mortgage for November, JIC. find out that I won't be able to pre-pay for health insurance & will have to go through COBRA as of 10/31. *sigh*
13) I start reconstructing music files. From various duplicate files, our personal iPods, off-site backups, The chunk of files that HAD completed the back up & some very generous re-downloads (Thank you Tom Smith, eMusic, Amazon, & Cat Faber!) I'm now back to about 130 gigs and STILL have the CDs to re-rip. I also have a good chunk still to re-download from both eMusic and Amazon. And my Parents are replacing the dead drive as my birthday/holiday present.
14) I get asked to stay on at HQ!
15) I find out I might be changing companies to stay @ HQ. However, this would mean a break in health insurance.
16) I recover more music.
17) I work more overtime.
18) I discover that Angelfood Ministries has gone into bankruptcy as of September.
19) finally find out that I'm not changing companies and yes, I really do have a job on 11/1. Still don't know if I will get a raise (doubtful) or be permitted to telecommute the way I had been. I can deal. Income & health insurance are more important.
20) Realize while filling out my transfer paperwork that I have to get my license renewed before my birthday.
21) registered & pre-paid for Darkover.
22) woke up this am & it's snowing.
23) still managed to get to MVA & get license renewed.

WHOOF!

Still on the horizon:
Various Birthdays - including my own.
Various Holidays.
I'm performing my second Halloween wedding on Monday.
Contract transition "Hell" part two aka clean-up.
recovering more music.

and how has your October been, Folks? *grin*

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latest update

2011-10-17T13:47:00Z

A-Hem.

I wandered here off a friend of a friend's link in my google plus feed.

http://www.businessinsider.com/what-wall-street-protesters-are-so-angry-about-2011-10?op=1

One of the interesting things I find on those graphs are the "gray bars" that indicate the recessionary periods.

Why? Well the looming thunderbolt I mentioned in my last post has hit. I've officially been told that I will not be transitioning to the new contract at NASA HQ. *shrug* It's government contracting, it is what it is.

Which means I'm dusting off the resume & doublechecking my references. Both for clearance investigation & job performance.

Which means I'm comparing my resume to those gray bars. and finding some interesting correspondences. Both to past periods of unemployment AND to my wages.

So I'm trying to remain calm. I've got some interview nibbles & two weeks with all the OT I can work plus a weeks leave to burn. Then there's unemployment which MD just extended. Which, if I do end up on that roster, should be paid through DC's system which is a higher rate than MD's. At least if past experience still holds. Therefore, I should be able to keep things together solidly till January or so. and limping through March (ish) After that, I'll probably have to hit the 401K. *sour look*

OTOH, it's actually rather gratifying to see that if I am getting screwed over, it's not just me and to realize that my skillset IS solid enough to keep me employed consistently despite no degree, no certs & being bi-polar & asthmatic. That actually IS a bit of a comfort. It means I just have to persevere till I find something and that I SHOULD find something eventually.

So, here's also hoping that one of my nibbles pans out sooner rather than later.

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My commentary on the Occupation of Wall Street (etc.) Long Post Warning

2011-10-13T15:48:37Z

The following is refined from some of my posts on FB inspired by this picture:

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/310637_2401946404850_1136777814_3897571_1123034735_n.jpg

I wasn't saddled with loans because my PARENTS worked their @$$ of for my college education. I also chose to go to a reasonable school.
Since then, I got into trouble because I'm stupid but I learned my lesson & got back out of trouble. The only debt I really have is one card for dental/medical emergencies and our mortgage.

HOWEVER - I'm one or two paychecks from trouble and possibly facing unemployment so danger is looming and it's scary. The fact that I don't feel comfortable about finding a new day job and have only a razor thin safety line despite my best efforts to weave a net (and the fact that my husband HASN'T found a new day job) I DO blame on that 1%.

And, as a friend of mine said, It's a safe bet the person in that picture hasn't had any major medical issues. Just about everyone on my list has been hit either personally or in their immediate family w/medical bills. It's the absolute worst kind of debt. Because of that looming danger and my own medical issues, I might end up back in debt again. or worse.

Now, I'm middle class and I've never pretended to be anything BUT middle class. I've gotten screwed as bad as everyone else. My father was a teacher for 35 years & managed to support us on his sole income by working everything he could. Just like HIS father. Although even my grandfather had some help from my grandmother. However - I don't even have kids and I'm barely squeaking by. The only time I came even CLOSE to the same standards of living enjoyed by my great-grandparents was when both my husband and I were both working our butts off. But, let's be realistic folks - even what we have today is still a good bit better than what his family came from. So we still average out to middle.

But the problem is that folks as a whole aren't learning. This is the 1920's all over again. Back then, folks counted on the stock market & credit & got screwed when that 1% got stupid. Our parents & grandparents learned from that. They put laws in place to keep things running smoothly. The boomers & our generation & gen x did NOT. They felt entitled to keep everything they earned & to chase after pretty toys. (I work in tech support. I can tell you EXACTLY how entitled a lot of people feel they are today!) So I do sympathize with and agree with some points of the http://nycga.cc/ group. Especially this one: Exercising personal and collective responsibility; (from http://nycga.cc/2011/09/24/principles-of-solidarity-working-draft/ )

I do feel that Glass-Steagall (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glass%E2%80%93Steagall_Act ) or something like it should be put back in place. BUT. I've been saying since 1980 when I was graduating high school that my generation was going to get screwed. WHY? Because we would be supporting our parents (via social security, etc.) and our kids would see us doing that & go "NOT ME, Baby!" and screw us over so THEY were comfortable. Because that was how THEY were raised by us - to be out for themselves.

Elizabeth Warren talks about social contracts. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20110042-503544.html
The 1970's & 1980's blew social contracts out of the water. HOW TELLING is it that COMMUNITY SERVICE is now a state mandated requirement for graduation in several places? I know it wasn't when I was growing up. nor when my folks were. But you helped out anyway. NOW students have to be reminded to consider someone outside themselves. AND - if their parents don't like the state curriculum - why then, the kids never get exposed to even THAT! Thank you Home-Schooling! (I have nothing against Home education as a supplement to public school/parochial school/private school. Heck, I even consider it a necessity! But it's not a full blown replacement.)

and as a result, we are losing connection to each other. and we aren't taking responsibility for our actions. We can always negotiate a way out. (and yes, despite my best efforts, I admit to sharing some of this fatal flaw.)

While I am part of the 99% that the actual original graphs refer to, that 99% group is made up of many different percentages:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/ezra-klein/2010/09/the_rich_getting_richer_in_one.html
http://www.epi.org/publication/a_long_and_persistent_middle-class_squeeze/
http://wearethe99percent.tumblr.com/

and I'm not part of all of them.

But - I have always tried to reach out and help where I could. I've seen first hand how little support there is for, as Alfie P Doolittle phrased it in "My Fair Lady", 'the undeserving poor'. There we were, both unemployed & this close to losing our house & we didn't rate help from all the social services because we were still on unemployment and "made too much money". We survived because of the kindness of our friends & our family. Noblesse Oblige isn't just a fancy way of saying "donate just for the tax break" - it actually means "you have money - DO SOMETHING WITH IT. Pay it forward."

THAT's the objection that I as part of the original 99% have with every part of the 1%. They want the "Noblesse" but they aren't being "oblige"d. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noblesse_oblige

or to put it another way in more pop-culture terms - "With great power comes great responsibility." If you're going to take the power of wealth, you have the responsibility of spreading it around.

The point I'm trying to make is that we have lost touch with the values of community - not family - COMMUNITY. Yes, the community is made up of individuals - and each individual should do the best they can for themselves. There is nothing wrong with that. And yes, the community should be there to help if you overreach and fail. or to help if the environment does something that you can't control and you then fail because of that. BUT you have to nourish the community so it HAS that ability. You have to care about your neighbors and your friends as well as yourself and your family. It means you do things like vaccinate and donate and recycle and share and vote and BE RESPONSIBLE. The person in the picture I referenced above has PART of it right - they aren't adding to an already overburdened community. But where they are failing is what are they doing FOR the community besides not being a burden? see the above point I mentioned:Exercising personal and collective responsibility. The person in that picture exercised their personal responsibility - where's their collective responsibility?

I'm not willing to blame it on JUST the 1% - they might have done it - but the middle class enabled it.

BOTH the 1% and the 99% told the government they didn't want to pay taxes. And the government listened. from the local school boards to the feds, oh boy, did they listen. and that's why everything is literally crumbling under our feet.

Because if you won't CONSCIOUSLY nourish the community, the community has to find another way to do what we ask of it. It thought it had a solution. We wanted it to handle it without bothering us. The community's original solution was through taxes of all sorts and payroll contributions. (Look at when income tax started. it started when we had to fight wars & rebuild from those wars. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internal_Revenue_Service )

We told them not to do that but we still didn't pick up our fair share. So the community is failing. Because we haven't given it the answer that it needs to handle the burden we've placed on it. The real problem of the 99%? We trusted that 1% to find that answer that all of us could live with. We forgot to make sure they weren't as selfish as the rest of us. Who watches the watchers? Answer: nobody. Especially if you do things like repeal the laws that make them watch. Like the EPA. Like Glass-Steagall.

Humans are lazy. We don't take responsibility for what we do and we've hamstrung the ability of the community to deal with the responsibility we asked it to deal with. TO be our parents and our caretakers and our watchdogs and our protectors because we don't want to be bothered by doing ourselves the things we should.

And that's why I sympathize with the NYC General Assembly at #OccupyWallStreet protest and support them doing it. Because they are doing it PROPERLY. Legally, civilly, peacefully & totally within their rights as American citizens. Because they are stepping up and making the rest of us put eyes on a problem we don't want to see. Ourselves. Just like other important organized efforts have done.

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aylinn @ 2010-09-27T06:59:00

2010-09-27T10:59:56Z

Kenneth Michael Kaese, Sr.

Newsday obituary here:
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/newsday/obituary.aspx?n=kenneth-m-kaese-big-guy&pid=145670452

The Visitation Services will be at
Chapey & Sons Funeral Home
200 East Main St
East Islip, Ny 11730.
631-581-5600
http://www.chapeyfamily.com/directions_east.html
(for those of you who want to leave e-condolences, there's a link there as well)

This Tuesday 9/28 and Wednesday 9/29 will be two times 2-4:30pm and 7-9pm to visit

The Funeral Service will be Thursday 9/30 at 11am with a lunch afterwards at the church…
St Marks Episcopal Church
754 Montauk Hwy,
Islip, NY 11751-3696

There has been a "Kenneth Michael Kaese Memorial Fund" set up to help defray medical and funeral expenses for the family. Contact me privately via LJ, Dreamwidth, or Facebook for details should you wish to contribute as this is getting spread pretty wide & I want to avoid identity theft. That's the last thing they need.

Folks - I'm not going to be available much this week. Neither is Kory. we're driving up today & driving back Friday it looks like. It's also a very real possibility that I'll be helping Kory's cousin Billy with ad-hoc grief counseling. (Worst part of the Clergical calling & all that.)

Thank you all.

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